Video for men so we can act like one

So Nicole and I are leading a marriage class during Sunday school entitled "The Art of Marriage".  Each of six sessions is one hour long with a ~30 minute video and some discussion.  Our first class is being well attended with 20+ people!  Highlights from a guy's perspective:

- Videos are quick and each contributor is to-the-point.
- We don't have to encourage discussion, there's plenty of people inspired to respond after seeing each video.
- It's based on God's morals, not our own, so if you follow His path you're more apt to succeed, i.e we men can't screw this up.

I usually worry that stuff like this is mushy and written as if the man should make all sorts of changes to appease an uncomfortable wife.  Not so with this - it really hits home for how a man should man up and his wife can lean on him, and in some cases acutally learn to lean on him.  Men aren't taught how to be men anymore so this class helps us see our real we-need-to-be-tough-as-iron role.

One scene really hits home for men; football references usually do.  In this case, the wide receiver position became an analogy for being a "wife-receiver".  If the wide receiver doesn't track the ball with his eyes into his arms, and then properly tuck the ball into his side, there's a cornerback ready to pounce.  Satan is like that - ready to pounce at a moment of weakness.  Dropping a catch hurts, but going back to the huddle is worse.  Sucks to feel like the walking wounded, having to beg forgiveness from her yet again.

So when you catch that ball, tuck it in tight and still take that hit, it may still hurt but you're excited to run back to the huddle at full speed.  Being a good wife-receiver is like that.  If you start doing the right thing, then fail to follow thru, it's painful to ask for forgiveness.  But what happens when we do the right things and prove our love, heck defend it from Satan...  we're on cloud nine man!

Men - do what you're supposed to do, and by that I mean Stand Up for your women.  Don't wait!  If your heart or head or whatever is thinking "maybe I should help" then get the heck up and help!  Jump up like your lives depend on it - she'll return the favor.

-Scott

Is It Worth The Cost?

A fellow blogger published a great post titled What is the Culture of Your Marriage? Within the post was a short video link describing Worship. Of course, we're talking about marriage, so he suggested:

Watch the clip, but when you hear the term worship leader think of your role as a spouse, and when you hear worship team, substitute your marriage, and lastly, when you hear worship, think the way you love your spouse.

One of the comments in the video stated that if it's not costing anything it's not worth anything. The woman on the video is referring to 2 Samuel 24:24 when David says I will not offer that which costs me nothing (paraphrased). While the scripture reference is referring to David purchasing a threshing floor from Araunah, isn't this a wonderful way to think about our marriages?

Our marriages should cost us everything. Or rather, our marriages should be WORTH everything. It is important to invest our time, energy and even our finances. If our marriages are meant to glorify God and show people the truth about God, isn't it worth the cost? If we are going to offer up our marriages as a testimony to God's amazing love, grace and design, we must be willing to give it our all.

 ~Nicole

Words vs. Actions

While doing a devotional with my girls this evening, we came across 1 John 3:18...

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)

Interesting. You know, it's pretty easy to say "I love you," and make it sound like you mean it. But to actually put some thought into showing someone that you love them, well, that means a ton! Okay, maybe it's just a woman thing, but actions can truly speak louder than words. Don't get me wrong, saying "I love you" is important too! It's just nice to SEE the love as well.

Here's the translation that was in the girls' devotional book:

Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions. (NLT)

So, how do we go about showing our spouse love? You must first determine what it is that makes your spouse feel special, valued, respected, competent, etc. Better yet, what makes YOU feel loved? As unromantic as it may sound, sometimes it's a good idea to tell your spouse what you need to feel loved. I recently did this with Scott... I asked him if it would help if I would just give him a list of things that made me feel special/valued/loved. He said yes! Of course, I couldn't make it that easy on him, so I did a word scramble and challenged him to complete it. Upon doing so, he could redeem a "coupon" for... well... you get the idea.  ;) 

Do you know what it takes to make your spouse feel loved? If not, find out. Take the initiative to let your spouse know that he/she is the most important person on this planet!

~Nicole

Education, Meditation, Application

Our pastor mentioned those three words in passing today... it wasn't meant to be any specific message, just something he said before Sunday School began. Still, it reminded me of what needs to be done in regards to so many things... especially marriage.

Marriage is all about learning (education). You learn more and more about each other every day, and you learn from others what you should and should not do. You can also learn quite a bit about marriage from reading God's Word. There are amazing books out there to help you strengthen your marriage, but reading God's Word trumps them all!!!

Once you've learned some new things, you need to meditate on what you've learned. One definition of meditate is to reflect deeply... think about what you've just learned and begin processing it all. Of course, part of meditation is also praying. Praying for your marriage and for your spouse is a crucial part of making your marriage work!

Finally, there's the application, or implementation. So, you've learned something new... you've prayed about it... now you need to DO something about it. You can read books and blogs about marriage and talk about it with your friends till you are blue in the face. But until you actually put those new plans into action, are you really going to see any change? Just like you must choose to love your spouse each and every day, you must choose to improve your marriage. You must apply what you've learned.

What have you learned about marriage and/or your spouse? Have you prayed about it? Are you applying what you've learned? If so, then you are glorifying God through your marriage!!!  :)

~Nicole

Getting Started

Welcome to Marriage By Design! Marriage, by God's design, is a beautiful thing. It is not something that one should enter into without considerable prayer, counsel and thought. Marriage is something that should be constantly nurtured and cultivated over time, and we should always keep God at the center of our marriage. Our prayer is that you will find encouragement for your marriage through the posts and links we provide.

We have experienced many ups and downs in our marriage. By the grace of God we have persevered, and we continue to grow closer each day. Sure, there are days when we might not be super happy with (or dare I say "like") each other, but we have made the choice to love one another forever. That choice is a daily choice, and because of that choice, we sometimes come under attack. Those attacks threaten the intimacy that is necessary for marriage to thrive. We must remember that we are not each other's enemy... that we need to work together as a team and, most importantly, that we need to turn to God for guidance.

Join us as we continue to grow in our marriage and in our relationship with God.