Thursday, March 22, 2012

Allowing our Husbands to be Men

from NICOLE:

First off, congrats to my hubby for his first ever blog post!!! Woohoo! :)

Scott had a great point to make about men being men. Unfortunately, in today's culture, men aren't given that chance very often... this is especially true in the husband/wife relationship.

I'm a rather, um, strong-willed and independent kind of gal. I like to plan and be organized. I like to control what's happening. This can be very disastrous in a marriage. In the past, I would often times forget how to let my husband take the lead. Without realizing it, I was taking charge of everything, therefore making him feel incompetent, which made him feel less like a man. When he felt less competent, he would stop trying. That led to me thinking he was just being lazy... which, in turn, made me start looking at him as another child in the house. I began treating him more like a child and depended on him less. Do you see the downward spiral???

If our marriages are going to work, and if we want them to glorify God, we have to take on the roles that God has given us. Men need to be men... women need to be women. This leads to the whole headship/submission challenge. I say "challenge" because I don't think this is meant to be easy. Sin pretty much ruined that... nothing in our marriage is supposed to be "easy," but we'll get to that another time.

So, back to allowing our husbands to be men... My dear ladies, this is going to be hard to digest, but we must learn to submit. I'm not asking you to be a doormat. I'm not asking you to do something immoral. I'm asking you to WILLINGLY let your husband take the lead. You very well might know how to do something better or faster... but if you don't let him try, how will he learn? Now, you can't do this begrudgingly... you have to do it lovingly. You also need to encourage him. I know you can change Suzie's diaper in less than 10 seconds, and he might take several minutes (with the end result being that the diaper is on backwards - no wonder it took so long!), but at least he did it!!!

When it comes to making decisions, talk about the decisions... don't make the decisions for him. Trust me, he doesn't want to make the "wrong" decision. It probably scares him out of his mind... not knowing if you'll be happy with whatever he decides. Share with him your thoughts (again, do so lovingly), but if you come to a point where you still can't agree, try to let go and tell him that you trust him to make the best decision for you both (or for your family, if you have children). If it turns out that the decision was a good one, give him an atta boy! If it wasn't the best, don't play the "I told you so" card... he already knows. Show him that you love him unconditionally... God loves us through our mistakes, don't our husbands deserve that too?

In the past, my husband sat back and let me make all the decisions, which gave me way more control over our marriage than God intended. It also made me feel less cherished because I wasn't allowing my husband to be my rock. Since I started practicing submission (still haven't perfected it...), Scott said that he is feeling more like a man. He feels respected. He values my opinions more. He has started seeing me more as a loving wife and less like a dripping faucet. He is showing me more love, and I feel more valued and cherished. See the upward spiral??? Pointing straight up to God... which is where our marriages should point.

1 comment:

  1. Very well put. I am a perfectionist. Not an OCD type though. I like to refer to it as "constantly striving for excellence." I don't usually snatch a job out of someones hands but I am not beyond suggesting how to do it better, in a kind way of course. My point is that it gives me insight in how difficult it must be to practice marital submission when you are completely confident in your husbands skill set at something. Bless your for trying and hanging in there.